


In The End

by phrenitis



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-13
Updated: 2007-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 21:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phrenitis/pseuds/phrenitis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She smiles, and it's <em>her</em> smile. <em>I understand</em> that smile says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The End

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Season Four, _This Mortal Coil_

i.

It doesn't hit him hard and fast, doesn't leave him staggering, and he thinks Elizabeth would have felt the same if she were in his place, if this were some other experience entirely. Instead, it's a slow whoosh of air that aches purposefully and relentlessly, and he knows when he breathes again the pain will be worse. 

“John,” she says, and he’s been Colonel for so long now that he’s forgotten who that John used to be.

She smiles, and it's _her_ smile. _I understand_ that smile says, and he’s not surprised; he’s still having trouble believing it is and is not her. So he focuses on the not, somehow believes that helps.

==

ii.

It’s a short walk from the gate to the camp, and he tries not to fall in line with her step.

He listens as Rodney monopolizes the conversation with updates and questions, and everything is normal, so perfectly normal that he feels nauseous. He tightens his hand on his gun, looks up at the sky and has a hard time believing that she is the only part of this world that’s not real.

==

iii.

He manages not to shoot anything when her words sink in, and is stuck in denial, or stunned into silence, wanting so badly for this Elizabeth to be _her_. He's sorry now, more than before, more than ever, but he knows she wouldn't want him to dwell.

She reaches out to touch him and the contact is explosive, a shock like a fucking grenade going off in his hand, and he wants to shake her until it all falls into place and he sees the bigger purpose and knows it hasn’t all been a waste of time.

She’s stronger than he is right now, accepting where he wants to fight.

“You’re still Elizabeth, you know,” he says, manages to smile.

“I know.” She smiles back, but it’s faint and pained. “That’s what makes this so hard.”

==

iv.

She says goodbye when they’re alone, momentarily lost to the forest and aware they don’t have much time. He knows she expects him to say it back, to say it once and exorcise demons or lay her to rest, but she’s going to have to die twice today, and he’d rather be haunted by that forever.

He hugs her tightly, knows she’s scared by the way she leans into him, and hates that she has to be right.

Elizabeth starts on with apologies, rambling about their mistakes those first few years until it starts to sound like the kind of laundry list it would take for the SGC to finally shut them down.

He gives her a little shake. “Shut up, Elizabeth.”

She laughs, her face buried in his chest.

They don’t say anything else.

 

- _Fin_


End file.
